


Baby, I'm Obsessed. With you.

by Padapuppy



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 05:03:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 19,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Padapuppy/pseuds/Padapuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has OCD, and, for some reason, Jared is the exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Simple Touch

_It’s not that bad_ , Jensen tells himself, reaching to adjust his toothbrush once more. He sighs and tries again, takes the brush out, puts it back. It’s still not right. One more try, and he’s got it. Finally, he looks in the mirror and smiles, removes the toothbrush from the holder, and starts the painstakingly long process of brushing his teeth.

Twenty-two and a half minutes later, Jensen’s teeth are as clean as they can be, and he’s frowns when he looks at his hair in the mirror. He glances at the clock on the wall. He has to be downtown in an hour, and he still has to fix his hair and get dressed. He’s gonna be so late.

After changing his outfit several times, Jensen finally heads out the door, making sure to pick up his keys just right, so he can get out and meet his new editor. He hates these meetings, hates going to new, public places, but the guy is new, so Jensen doesn’t have a choice.

He reaches his destination, a local cafe, two hours later than he was supposed to be there, and heads inside. The walk to the door is always the most difficult task and he waits until someone exits so he can slip in the door. He sighs when he sees the man he’s supposed to wait sitting at a nearby table. 

“Jensen.” The man calls, and Jensen nods and walks towards the man. When Jensen reaches the table, the man outstretches his hand, and Jensen frowns. Jensen looks at the man’s hand uncomfortably before the man coughs awkwardly and pulls his hands away.

“Not much for physical contact, eh?” He asks, and Jensen shrugs. Surely, this man was informed about him. These rituals, compulsions that run Jensen’s life aren’t something that he likes to explain. He doesn’t touch people. And when he does, when it’s too embarrassing to avoid the touch, Jensen has to excuse himself to the washroom and clean his hands for six minutes. It’s really not worth the effort.

“I’m Jeff. Jeff Morgan, and I’ve reviewed your work. I have to say that I’m impressed.”

Jensen nods at him, a polite gesture. “Thank you.” He notices the fork on the table is out of place. Absently, he picks it up and repositions it. Damn, still not right. Jeff coughs and Jensen looks up. He’s staring at Jensen’s hand, a look of confusion on his face.

Jensen still positions the fork until it’s in the correct space and sighs. “I’m Obsessive Compulsive,” he explains. The guy nods, probably thinks he’s crazy. “I doesn’t affect my work.” Jensen adds after moments of uncomfortable silence. 

“Okay. Well it was nice meeting you, Jensen.” He hands Jensen several documents which Jensen spends two minutes straightening just to make sure they’re perfectly aligned. “You look these over, sign ‘em, and give me call,” Jeff says. He stands at the same time Jensen does, clapping Jensen on the shoulder before he leaves. 

Jensen groans when the guy’s out of sight before his finger happened to touch Jensen’s bare neck, and of course, Jensen has to go wash that off. 

When Jensen’s neck is free of any touch but his own, he heads out the door, following some woman who has coffee in one of her hand.

Eyes glued to the paper, Jensen decides, after noting the sidewalks are relatively void of the normal bustle this town seems to have, to walk home instead of dealing with a taxi. He’s so focused that he doesn’t notice the man walking towards him, boxes in his hands. Jensen runs right into the guy, papers and boxes flying. Jensen, himself, ends up on the ground. He looks up to see a man, taller than Jensen himself perhaps, with messy brown hair, bright eyes, and, honest-to-God, dimples.

“Hey.” the man says, offering a hand to to help Jensen to his feet. Jensen is hesitant, but doesn’t want to place his hand on the side walk to get up, so he accepts. “Sorry ‘bout that. Wasn’t lookin’ where I was going. Name’s Jared.” He releases Jensen’s hand, and smiles brightly.

“It’s fine, really. Probably my fault,” Jensen spares a glance down to the papers skewed across the sidewalk. _Great_ , Jensen thinks and starts picking them up. He’s got most of them, but one’s missing. He looks up to see Jared beaming at him, one paper grasped between his long fingers.

“That’s mine!” Jensen nearly growls, frustrated with himself for dropping everything in the first place.

“Ah, now. Don’t be rude. Paper for a name. It’s only fair.” Jared’s eyes, blue or green, Jensen can’t tell, they look like they’re changing, and he sees a glimmer of amusement in those features.

“Jensen." The word is soft and quiet.

“Didn’t quite hear you." Jared speaks in a teasing, nearly taunting tone.

“Jensen." The word comes out forced, annoyed that he's being mocked for being quiet.

Jared grins. “Jensen.” Jared says the name like he’s tasting it on his tongue. “Here you go.” He hands it over to Jensen, fingers lingering on Jensen’s own for just a moment, before he lets go.

Jensen notices that Jared managed to write a phone number in black marker on the paper when Jensen was still fishing for the pages on the ground. He smiles and looks up to see Jared and the boxes gone, headed across the street.

Jensen looks at the number and smiles, and starts walking back to his apartment. It’s then he notices that Jared touched him twice, and he doesn’t feel that itch he normally gets with physical contact.

 _Well, that’s odd_ , Jensen thinks out loud and wonders what will happen if he calls Jared sometime. Maybe Jared's just friendly. It's not like could know Jensen's gay, and, even if Jensen put off some strange vibe, which he doesn't think he did, it's not like Jensen dates. He doesn't touch, so dating's not something he's done since he was in high school. Not that he ever will call Jared, but he still thinks about it when he gets into his car, and the thoughts continue when he reaches his home.


	2. An Unexpected Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen doesn't call, but Jared is deterred.

It's been five days and Jensen doesn't call, but that's not really a surprise. In fact, all Jared's writing managed to do is tick Jensen off. He's so bothered by the seven, black numbers on the page that he has to call Jeff and ask for another copy. It's that irritating.

Jensen sighs in annoyance, his keys not coming out of the bowl quite right, and he's already ten minutes behind on his weekly grocery store visit. With a final groan and the perfect touch, he finally makes his way out of the door, which he locks four times, and heads out towards his car. The car itself takes several minutes to start, cranks that he doesn't like that he has to redo, and he heads down to the store, staying at the exact speed limit the entire way.

He's just finished stacking the cereal in the isle by content and color because he couldn't handle the disorder of it all. Alphabetically isn't always the way to do, and Jensen thinks that it's about time people start realizing that.

Jensen smiles at his good work, checking to make sure all of the brands are still in the right order before making his way out of the isle with his basket in his hands when he hears it, hears that loud and happy, somehow familiar voice calling out.

"Hey, Jensen!" Jensen turns around quickly, knocking over several boxes of cereal in the process, in the direction of the voice. 

Jensen curses internally at the mess before looking up and seeing, of course, Jared. He huffs because accidents just seem to follow this man around, and he goes to start picking up the boxes, ignoring Jared entirely.

"Jensen." Jared calls, stopping right in front of him, blocking the fluorescent lights overhead.

"I'm kind of busy." Jensen spits out in an unfriendly tone, refusing to look up.

"Hey, you're kind of clumsy, aren't you?" Jared laughs, and Jensen finally looks up to glare at him.

"Excuse me?! I'm the clumsy one?" No. Jensen isn't clumsy. He's organized and precise, the exact opposite of clumsy. Jared's the one that seems to bring disorder and chaos to Jensen's life.

Jared kneels and-that's nice of him-he starts helping Jensen pick up the boxes. Jensen rolls his eyes when he sees Jared practically throw them back on the shelf because he's just going to have to fix them.

He starts at that, putting them back in the most organized and practical manner when Jared speaks again. "Do you work here?"

Jensen furrows his brow, his hand still gripped around one of the boxes, and he turns his face back towards Jared. "What? No. Why do you ask?"

Jared makes a gesture between Jensen and the shelf. "You're kind of doing their job?"

Oh, well, that kind of makes sense, but Jensen shakes his head. "No, I just...they weren't in the right order."

The expression on Jared's face is nothing short of confusion, but he nods, in what Jensen assumes, is a polite manner. "You do that often? Fix things when they're wrong?"

Jensen shrugs. "Sometimes, when it's necessary." It's always necessary, but that's hardly the point.

Jared nods again before a frown forms on his lips. _He's even pretty when he frowns_ , Jensen thinks, and he shakes his head because he can't be thinking like that. It can only lead to trouble for him, he knows this.

"Something the matter?" Jensen's not sure why he asks; it's certainly not any of his business, but he does just the same.

Jared's expression softens just a bit, his mouth more of line now. "It's just that you didn't call." If Jensen didn't know any better, he'd say Jared sounds sad. That's a ridiculous thought, so he pushes it aside.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I didn't." He thought about it, though. It plagued his mind constantly, but again, it's a digression and so not the point. "I wanted to." It's the truth for some strange reason, but he's not sure why he's admitting it.

Jared's smile comes back in full force, his dimples showing, and Jensen finds that he likes that face on Jared most of all. He's pretty sure he'd say anything to keep it there. "You did?"

Jensen nods, shrugs a little bit.

"You wanna, maybe, hang out sometime?" Jared asks, a hopefully expression on his face.

It's a bad idea, a really bad idea. So many things could go wrong. He doesn't hang out for a reason, and he only has a few friends that know about his...condition. He wants to keep it that way. He's not embarrassed by it, not anymore, anyway, but he doesn't like being out in public so much because of it.

Still, the look on Jared's face seems so bright and hopeful that Jensen finds himself nodding. "I...Yeah. Yeah, I think I do." 

Jared beams at him, and Jensen knows this is going to end badly, but there's a chance Jared just wants to be friends, which really is the best option. He's not regretting his decision, though. Not yet, not with Jared smiling down at him. "That's great, Jensen. I can, if you give me your number, I'll call."

That's how Jensen finds himself spitting out his cellphone number, smiling right along with Jared. "I...I gotta get back." Jensen says, his cart already full, and he's ready to check out. 

Jared nods again, and gives Jensen a pat on his shoulder that doesn't freak him out, doesn't make him cringe and break out with the desire to scrub. "See you, Jensen."

Jensen watches him go, stunned that this is happening, that he's going to meet Jared to hang out socially sometime. He can't, there's no way. He decides right then that when Jared calls, he's going to get himself out of it.

Well, that's what he plans to do. Jensen's already learned in these two, brief meetings of the man, that what Jensen plans to do doesn't exactly happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It looks like this is continuing, after all.  
> 


	3. Just a Couple of Minutes to Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen finds himself on a date with Jared, and their first kiss turns out to be more than either of them ever expected.

Jensen's not sure how he ends up here at this dimly lit restaurant in the middle of the city with Jared seated across from him.

In all fairness, Jensen blames the phone call. He hadn't really expected it, but he should have. Even with their brief encounters, Jensen had to have known how adamant Jared would be. He didn't, however, and for that, he got four missed calls. Jensen couldn't let it go to five, the number too messed up. He hates odds, so he had no choice but to call Jared back.

"Jared, you can't keep calling me." Jensen said over the phone once the other man answered

He heard a sigh on the phone before Jared spoke. _You said you wanted to hang out._ Jensen could swear he heard disappointment in Jared's tone.

"I know, but things have come up. I'm busy." 

_Please? I'll just keep calling if you say no._

Jensen had sighed, shook his head because he **had** to say yes. "Fine."

__Jared whopped loudly through the phone and into Jensen's ear, causing him to wince, and the call ended shorty after Jared told Jensen that it was a date._ _

__That's how he finds himself here, sitting with him, talking and eating...on a date. It's nerve-racking, and he's on his best behavior, but Jensen keeps doing little things that Jared has to notice._ _

__Jensen hasn't spilled anything so far, but he's corrected his waiter's grammar, refolded his napkin, and he even went as far as to bring his own silverware. It's not a big deal, but he can't use someone else's utensils. It just feels wrong to do that._ _

__The rest of the dinner is uneventful, but it's interesting. Jensen learns that, like him, Jared's in the middle of an older brother and younger sister. He's got a love for dogs, has two himself, but he assures Jensen they're friendly. Jensen decides he never wants to meet them._ _

__Yes, dinner goes well, it's the **walk** back to Jensen's house that has Jensen reeling. He's slower than Jared, but there are too many cracks in the sidewalk. He can't help it, and he certainly can't step on any of them._ _

__Jared must take notice because he falls back, walks in step with Jensen. "Are you alright, there?"_ _

__"I'm fine." He is, it's not a lie._ _

__"Are you counting the cracks?"_ _

__Jensen nods, but he's also avoiding them._ _

__"That's cool." Jensen's surprised to not hear a hint of mocking in Jared's voice, and he's not even put off when Jared grabs his hand. It actually feels really nice to have Jared's fingers around his own, their palms pressed against each other's._ _

__They walk slowly back to Jensen's house, and Jensen has to re-lock the door four times before it's perfect and he can finally unlock it and open it. Jared seems to have other plans._ _

__"I had a good time tonight."_ _

__Jensen's not sure how Jared can say this, but he nods just the same._ _

__The hand that previously locked with Jensen's own finds his face, and Jensen sucks in a sharp breath of air._ _

__"I'm gonna kiss you now, okay?"_ _

__Jensen doesn't respond, but he finds that he wants it, and he licks his lips just to watch how Jared's eyes follow the movement. Jared falters for a moment, gulps so Jensen can see the rise and fall of the man's Adam's Apple before he leans in and brushes his lips across Jensen's._ _

__It's over before it even started, but it doesn't feel right. Jensen clears his throat, and he cups Jared's cheek before leaning up and trying again. Their lips slide together with more pressure, and Jensen pulls back with a frown._ _

__"Is something wrong?" Jared asks, and all Jensen can do is shake his head and dive back in._ _

__Jared parts his lips for Jensen's tongue, and Jensen swallows a soft moan from Jared's mouth, but it's still not good enough._ _

__Six more kisses later, and it's still not perfect. The total count ends up being sixteen kisses with a duration of two minutes and twenty-six seconds. Jensen knows, he counted._ _

__Jared looks confused, but he's grinning, tries to lean in to capture Jared's lips once more, but Jensen won't have it. He shakes his head. "That last one was perfect. Don't ruin it."_ _

__Jared beams at him like he knows something Jensen doesn't, and Jensen, surprisingly, finds himself smiling back. "Me, too. I, uh, had a good time as well."_ _

__Jared snorts and he nods, promises to call Jensen so they can do this again sometime, and Jensen cannot help but kiss him again._ _

__Jared's hard by the time they're done, after four minutes and thirty-two seconds, after eighteen more kisses, but Jensen pulls away. "Goodnight." He's smiling as he slips in his house and closes the door, locking it correctly before leaning against it._ _

__This is insane. It's too much, and Jensen doesn't do this. Jared's crazy, so chaotic and wrong, but it works so well, and Jensen's not sure how this is going to turn out. Strangely enough, he can't wait to find out._ _


	4. Well, That's Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things do go so well after the date, and Jensen's not sure why, but he's really bothered by it.

Jensen doesn't expect his phone to ring not even twenty-minutes later. Jensen can't hide his smile as Jared greets him through the phone, and he settles on his bed. He still has to shower and brush his teeth, and those things are usually done on a tight schedule, but he doesn't mind the wait.

_So, I had a really good time._

"I know, Jared. You told me." 

Jared laughs into the phone, and Jensen finds himself picturing the way his lips spread wide, the hint of teeth in his mouth, and the dimples on cheeks. _Right, sorry. I just...I was excited when I left._

"Jared, I don't think we're ready for that." He's thinking about how he felt the hard press of Jared's length against his hip.

Jared laughs, and by the sounds of it, he's a little embarrassed. _That's not what I meant. Well, I was, but I didn't mean it like that. I just...I had fun with you, Jensen, and I wanna go out again. Soon._

Jensen's eyes widen in surprise. He's not sure what Jared found so interesting about him, besides the kiss, or, well, kisses, and he doesn't know what to do with that information.

_Jensen, you still there?_

Jensen got so caught up in his thoughts, that he forgot to speak. He nods though Jared can't see it. "Yeah, I'm here. Sorry. You said you wanted to go out again?"

_That's right. How's Thursday? You could come over to my place, and I could cook you dinner._

"No." 

_I...okay? Sorry I suggested it._

Jensen sighs, and he shakes his head. "That's not what I meant. I just...I have a problem with new places."

 _No, it's fine. I get what you mean. Later, Jensen._ Jared seems...disappointed.

"Jared, wait!" But his only answer is the dial tone.

Jensen tries to call back, but he's pretty sure Jared's turned of his phone.

Jensen sighs, and he spends an extra thirty-two minutes in the shower. He feels stupid, and he's pretty sure he's messed up whatever this thing with Jared was. Jensen's not even sure why it bothers him. It's what he wanted, more of the same, but he kind of likes Jared and the disorder he brings. It's new and different.

With a sigh, after he's clean and his teeth are perfect, Jensen gets into bed and closes his eyes, surprisingly sad by today's turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is shorter, but I swear the next one's gonna have some length to it.


	5. Confessions Aren't Always Easy, But They're Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen can't stand how things are, and he vows to turn them around. He's just not sure how Jared will react when Jensen tells him the truth.

The next few days pass as sort of a blur for Jensen. He feels unfocused and kind of miserable, and his average, OCD rituals are twice as hard and take three, no four because odds are just awful, times as long. It's not Jared's fault, not really. And Jensen shouldn't expect anything from him. But he does. He's not sure why. One date and two other brief meetings, and Jensen finds that he misses that presence in his life, that nagging, insistent, over-enthusiastic _Jared_ type chaos.

Working out seems to take Jensen's mind off of things, and he's been trying to branch out and leave the comfort of his home. But no, he can't. Gyms are dirty and sweaty, things Jensen can't handle, so he exercises from home. He's shirtless watching himself run in on the treadmill in the mirror. He watches as the sweat beads from his lean, toned body, and he wonders, though briefly, what Jared looks like under his clothes. 

Jensen imagines firm, tight muscles, and he's so much bigger than Jensen. Taller and bulkier, and Jensen wonders if that tan Jensen's seen on Jared's face, neck, and arms is spread all over. He thinks about muscles of Jared's abs, whether he's chiseled and sculpted or less defined. He decides he doesn't care. Jensen sees the vee in Jared's hips, the way coarse hair starts to move downward just below Jared's naval...

He's running with his eyes closed, panting but not because of physical exertion. He's hard, straining against the tight confines of his workout shorts, and his breath catches in his throat. He's hard and breathless, sweating just thinking about Jared, and that thought is scary. He trips then, falls back and gets skidded along from the tread mat, and he stumbles back hard on his ass. 

Jensen's face is flushed from embarrassment, and he's glad he's alone because this is awkward and really pathetic. He needs to do something about it, and positively does not need to feel like this anymore.

After spending another twenty-eight minutes in his home gym, Jensen showers four times. That's not so bad, but he brushes his teeth until his gums bleed and then some. With a long and heavy sigh, he gets dressed, slipping into snug jeans and a dark grey button-up. He almost doesn't put in contacts, but his glasses would throw his outfit off. His hair is artfully mussed and his shoes and belt match, so Jensen decides he's ready to leave the house.

He shoots a text to Jared's number, well, he sends two because he can never send just one message, the odds are never good, figuratively and literally, thank you very much. The first tells Jared that he's sorry and he'll explain everything. The second is an invitation to meet Jensen now, out in public, in a Jensen-approved setting. Jensen chooses the museum at the edge of town, mostly because the art is expensive and Jensen knows they clean well because of it. 

As he drives over and doesn't receive any text from Jared in the duration, Jensen contemplates what he'll do if Jared doesn't show. It won't be the end of the world, but it will be the end. The end of what, Jensen doesn't know, but he really _really_ wants to see what it, what they could be. He thinks they could be something great.

It takes him longer to get there because he's driving so slowly, and he sits down at the bench near the entrance, watching as people pass with dull, gloomy expressions on their faces like they really don't want to be here. That's a shame; the art really is quite lovely.

Seconds turn into minutes that turn into well over an hour, and Jensen is trying hard not to hyperventilate. Jared doesn't owe him this, and after how Jensen behaved, it'd be a miracle if the guy showed up...which he hasn't. 

Jensen's sitting there, eyes closed now, and he's rubbing very intricate but invisible patters on his jeans at his thigh when he feels two strong hands at the top of his shoulders. His breath catches in his throat and his eyes snap open, but he should have known when he didn't turn away instantly, when he didn't feel the need to get out of there and wash, that it was Jared. "H-hi." Jensen manages, fingers still designing what looks like nonsense on his jeans, but he can't stop.

"Hi." Jared beams down at him before catching a look at Jensen's hand. It's like sometimes his limbs go on autopilot, and Jensen certainly isn't the captain. He just has no control, but he knows it needs to be done. He feels it. It's a compulsion, something he's done for as long as he can remember, and it's not going to stop anytime soon. "You okay, there?" Jared asks, eyes still tracking the quick, steady movements of Jensen's fingers.

"I am." Jensen's voice is more sure, firmer, and a small smile spreads across his lips. Now, if only he could will his hand to still.

"You sure?"

Jensen rolls his eyes, and he knocks his shoulder up in a shrug, an attempt to dislodge Jared's hand. It seems to work because both leave, and the warmth Jensen likes so much is gone. It's his fault, he asked for it, and he should not be disappointed for getting what he requested.

Jared takes a seat next to him, and Jensen turns his head so that they're face to face. "I'm sorry."

Jared nods, and he smiles just a little. "You said that. You also said you would explain why my house sounded like such a bad idea."

There's clearly hurt in Jared's tone, and Jensen cannot help but wince. It's not Jared's fault that Jensen's broken. It's his own, and he's dealing with it the best ways he knows how. "I didn't say that..."

Jared cuts him off before he can continue. "You kinda did."

The hurt's still there, and Jensen shakes his head. "No, I said I don't like new places."

"What's the difference?"

"Jared, there's something wrong with me." 

That gets Jared's attention, and his face changes from upset to concerned quickly. "Are...Is something wrong?"

Jensen snorts a little; he just said that, but it's still not Jared's fault that he doesn't know what Jensen means. "Yes...No. It's complicated, and I'm used to it."

Jared's face distorts into confusion, and Jensen takes mercy on them both by not continuing this conversation for the time being. Instead, he closes the distance between their faces, his lips seeking the other's in a slow, deep kiss. Jared's hand frame Jensen's face, and Jensen has his fingers clenched tightly in Jared's shirt. On one hand, that is, the other is still occupied with it's meaningless but, nevertheless, necessary task of rubbing his jeans. Jared tries to pull back completely, but his hands are still cupping Jensen's cheeks.

Jensen chases Jared's mouth because as good as that last kiss was, it wasn't perfect, and Jensen needs it to be. He kisses with everything he has, everything he can muster up. Jensen may not be an experienced kisser but his movements are sure, almost calculated, and he seems to know what he's doing if the little grunts and breathy moans Jared's currently making are anything to go by.

Kisses start and kisses break, lips slide together, tongues pull and push. Teeth clank accidentally a few times, and the total duration is exactly four minutes. Jensen counts, everyone should know that by now. Well, not everyone, just Jensen, but Jared will find out soon enough.

When Jensen finally deems their last kiss perfect, he smiles as he pulls back. They're both breathing a little heavier, lips red and swollen, glistening. 

"Christ, Jen. You're killing me."

Jensen lets out a little huff or air that's supposed to be a laugh, but it sounds much too choked off for that. "I have OCD!" Jensen blurts out before turning his head, hiding his now red face in his hands.

"What?" Jared asks, and his hand finds Jensen's shoulder once more, and he gives it a reassuring squeeze.

Jensen laughs a little bit, and, again, it doesn't sound like that. If anything, it's more of a broken kind of sob, but he turns his head towards Jared. "I'm Obsessive Compulsive."

Jared's still looking at him like he just explained every constellation in the sky with a dead and rotting fish as his laser pointer. Suffice to say, Jared seems confused. "I don't...what is that?"

Jensen rolls his eyes, and this is the worst part...when people don't know. He thinks they should. Hell, it's a big deal to so many people, and there have even been MTV specials about the damn thing. Excuse the curse, Jensen is a little overwhelmed. He's not going to explain it like he should, in the broadest form of this disorder. No, he'll say how it relates to him.

"I have rituals. I have to do them everyday, most days I do them multiple times. I take at least four showers a day, sometimes more. My teeth are too clean. That's, at least, what my dentist tells me. I have certain steps I have to take before starting my car. I can't go to new places. Silverware, in general but more specifically other people's, freak me out. Something goes in my mouth, and then it touches food and goes back into my mouth? That's just...It's wrong. I count, everything. I know how long we've kissed, the total number of kisses we've shared, and I know all of this because I have no choice. I'm not in control of what I do sometimes...You see my hand. I can't stop it. That's more of a tick, and it's not so much OCD, but it's still ritual-izing." Jensen pauses and lets out a huge breath, feels a little winded from that ramble, but he still has something to say. "Most importantly, I cannot, under any circumstances stand to be touched..."

Jared's face does several things during Jensen's speech, but he seems sympathetic, at least until Jensen's last sentence. "But I touch you." He sounds kind of in awe, and Jensen supposes he is. 

Jensen laughs a little, and it sounds like a laugh finally. He's still sporting a grin as he nods his head up and down. "Yeah...you do."


	6. Promises, Promises.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen gets the perfect ending to an even more perfect day.

Jensen's not sure why those words earned him another kiss, but it does, and he's suddenly very glad. Jared must not realize that he can't be in control of the kiss though because every time Jared pulls away, Jensen chases after that perfect mouth.

Several minutes, five and a half exactly, pass when Jensen finally deems the kiss as more than adequate, and he smiles as he scoots back on the bench.

Jared is panting, and Jensen likes how that looks, likes the heaving chest on the man, enjoys the sound of the air being forced from his lips, and most of all, Jensen is invigorated, enthralled by the shine and redness to Jared's lips.

Jensen must get too focused, he does that a lot, because Jared is waving a hand in front of his face, calling his name.

Jensen's face flushes and he ducks his head with a soft, shy smile. 

"Why...I'm not complaining." Jared starts, and Jensen meets his gaze. "It's just...I can't just kiss you. You have to, I dunno, make it longer or something."

Jensen shakes his head because that's not at all what he's doing. "Not longer, better." Jensen clarifies, and at Jared's, again, hurt look, Jensen amends that. "It has to feel right, perfect, or I..." He freaks out. If he messes something up, he'll freak out. His rituals will become more intense, and no one wants that.

"Oh." And just like that, without Jensen explaining, Jared gets it. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Jared's small but booming laugh floods Jensen's heart with warmth, and the man nods over at him, still smiling as he speaks. "I like you, Jensen. I know...God, it's just a been a few days, and I don't really know you, but what I do know...I like. All of it."

Well, that's not exactly something Jensen's ever heard before. Usually anytime someone, anyone finds out it's filled with reassuring words that they can get Jensen better. He can't be better, not really, and no matter how many times he's tried to explain that, his friends, family can't seem to accept that. "All of it?" OCD included is what Jensen is getting at, and when Jared nods again, Jensen's grinning this bright and warm and happy thing, and his heart feels faster and lighter in his chest. "Okay."

Much to Jensen's surprise and delight, they spend the rest of the day together. Jensen ends up leading Jared around the museum, watching Jared's smile go wide when Jensen explains some of his favorite exhibits. Jensen loves art, would love to produce something to beautiful and permanent, but, things don't always go as planned, and Jensen knows well enough, his whole life being proof, that he can't always get what he wants.

Jared turns out to be smart, ridiculously so, but Jensen would have never guessed with all of his carefree exuberance. He's an engineering student, but he doesn't know what he wants to design and build, just that he does want it, and Jensen can respect that.

They end up eating at some overpriced little place because Jensen swears it's the cleanest place he's ever seen. When Jared's face falls when the check arrives, Jensen shakes his head. "I picked the place, let me." Jared still doesn't look happy, so Jensen adds, "Next time, when you pick, you can pay."

Jared's smile softens and he takes Jensen's fingers in his hand, squeezing them like the promise of next time warms him to the very core. At least, that's what it's doing for Jensen.

When it's finally time to say goodbye, Jensen's leaning against the door of his home, smiling up at Jared, and it's still hard to get used to that, Jensen having to look up because Jared's so tall. Jared didn't mind when Jensen avoided cracks in the sidewalk, when Jensen had to do the painstaking process of starting his car, and he doesn't even seem to mind when Jensen's looking up and down Jared's body with his bottom lip worried between his teeth.

"I want to." Jared manages, voice deeper and darker than Jensen's heard all day, and it manages to pool heat low within his stomach, near his groin, and Jensen can't help the way his breath hitches in his throat at his thoughts of how bad he wants to, too.

"We can't." Jensen manages regretfully when Jared crowds into his space, firm hands on Jensen's cheek and neck, lips just inches from his own. 

Jared smiles, and his eyes are locked on Jensen's as he forms the words. "I know."

Jensen kisses him then, pulls Jared closer as their mouths meet in a searing, heated clash of lips. Jensen opens up for Jared's tongue, sucking it inside, and nearly growling at the little moan his actions draw from Jared's mouth.

Jared kisses like his life depends on it, at least, that's what it feels like, and Jensen's no different. Teeth, tongue, and lips all slide together, pull and push and react off the other's with perfect harmony. Sure, it's sloppy, well, _they_ are because the kisses keep stopping when Jensen's lungs are too stubborn and insist on air, but Jensen takes his time fixing them. Though, sometimes he doesn't.

Sometimes, Jensen lets the kiss consume him, and he lets Jared take control, relishing in the way Jared's hands slide down his arms, over his waist, and cups his hips, thumbs brushing over the bones of Jensen's hips under his clothing. 

It's Jared who pulls away, eight minutes and forty-two seconds into the kiss, and Jensen's smiling because that last kiss was nothing short of perfection.

"I have to go." Jared sounds regretful, and when Jensen catches a glimpse of the straining taking place in Jared's jeans, Jensen understands why he sounds that way.

Still, Jensen's face falls for a brief moment, and that's when Jared's strong arms pull him forward in a firm embrace, his hands sliding down Jensen's back but not daring to go to fall. 

Jensen breathes in deep at Jared's neck, and he presses two soft kisses right under the shell of Jared's ear, and he's rewarded with a soft, little gasp from Jared. 

"I don't want to." Jared explains, still keeping Jensen on his porch, for all his neighbors to see, in the tight hug. Jensen finds he doesn't care, let them watch if they want to. "But, if I don't leave now, I'm not sure I'll be able to later."

Part of Jensen wants to tell him to come inside and stay forever, but that's a very small, not logical part of Jensen's brain and that probably has to do with Jared's erection against Jensen's thigh more than anything else. "So, go."

"You make it sound easy."

"It really is. Just let me go and walk away." He doesn't mean the bitter edge his voice takes, but exactly those things have happened so many times to Jensen in the past.

Jared must take notice because he's pulling away, but he's also taking Jensen by both hands, bringing them up to his lips. He only kisses one of them, and when Jensen's mouth opens to speak his protest, he feels Jared's soft lip on the other, previously forgotten hand as well. "Symmetry seems like it's important to you." 

Jensen smiles, just the corners of his lips perking up, and he nods. "It is."

Jared nods and his smile isn't the same as Jensen's. He's smiling like he knows something that Jensen doesn't, and Jensen doesn't like to be misinformed.

Jensen tries to speak again, but Jared beats him to it. "What you said...letting you and walk away, that's just for now, okay? You're going to see me again, Jensen. Very soon if I have any say in it."

"I'm glad."

Jared's smile changes, turns into a full-on grin, and he's dropping Jensen's hands and cupping his face, leaning down to press _two_ of the softest kisses to Jensen's forehead. "I'll see you later, Jen."

Jensen tries not to shiver at the nickname, but Jared's been saying it all day, and each time, it makes Jensen's stomach flutter in the best possible way. "Goodnight, Jared."

Jensen doesn't watch as Jared takes off walking down the sidewalk, nor does he wave like he wants to. Instead, he slips inside and goes about his nightly rituals, finds he only has to complete each task once before slipping into bed and getting, what feels like, the most rest he's had in years.


	7. Fitting In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's first time coming inside Jensen's immaculate home.

Jensen's writing more, the words pouring out him, dripping from his fingertips to the keys, appearing on the screen with rapid determination. His latest book, a novel, of course, just like his last is coming together faster than he could have dreamed, and he thinks he has Jared to thank for it. Morgan seems to be pleased with what he's read, and Jensen thinks that means something.

Jared...he's inspiring, if nothing else, but it's more than that, so much more. Days with Jared turns to weeks, and they spend what they can together. When Jared's in class, Jensen writes, but then they're out, walking hand in hand in some grassy field or holed up in some cheesy diner where Jensen has to bring his own silverware. More kisses are shared, the minutes turned to hours easily, and for the first time, Jensen finds himself long for social interaction, longing to be with Jared in away he can.

Tonight's different. They're not going out, no, Jared's coming over, and he's never done that before. Jensen's never let him inside. He's nervous to say the least, nervous and excited to have Jared in his home. He's not sure how Jared and the house will fit, but he's willing to find out.

Jensen's got dinner on the stove, chili because they're both Texans, both love the spice and warmth of the hearty dish. It's Jensen's mama's recipe, but he's tweaked it just a little.

When Jared knocks, Jensen jumps because Jared's early, but he makes his way to the door just the same in clothes he hadn't prepared for Jared to see. Jensen's been writing a good bit of the day, and he's still in ratty, cotton pants and a t-shirt that's more worn that most things he owns.

"Jen! Come on." The words distract Jensen from his worry, and Jared knocks louder.

"I'm coming. I'm coming." He feigns annoyance, sighing as he unlocks the door, relocks them, and tries again. It's not his fault, he's nervous. It's understandable that letting Jared in seems like such a task.

Jared's patient, though, when he hears Jensen with the locks, and as soon as Jensen finally does get them open three minutes and two seconds later, Jared's coming inside.

Jared's eyes rake over Jensen's body, take in his attire, and Jensen's cheeks flush hot, and he tugs at the thin, too-tight t-shirt with a mumbled apology.

When Jensen ducks his head, Jared's fingers tilt it back up, and Jensen sees that beautiful grin. "You look..."

"Terrible." Jensen supplies, and he nods his head back towards his bedroom. "I'll just go change."

When he goes to move, Jared stops him with a light hand on Jensen's wrist. "Don't. You look good. Comfortable." But there's heat in Jared's gaze, and he bites his lip as he looks over Jensen's body again.

He is comfortable, well, physically. Mentally and emotionally, he's a wreck. But, as always, that just how Jensen is. 

Jensen smiles a little, and he kisses the corner of Jared's mouth once...twice before he's falling back, heading into the kitchen to stir the large pot.

Jared must be exploring because Jensen can hear him speak, hear him talk of his surprise. Jensen's home is large, the walls white and perfect like they have to be, and Jared can't seem to get over how clean everything is. "I feel like I shouldn't even be in here."

Those words seem to jostle Jensen from his thoughts because he's abandoning the pot in favor of finding Jared hovering over the couch like he's not sure if he can sit. "What do you mean? Of course, you should be here." Jensen frowns, and he takes Jared's wrist, pulls him down to the couch with him. "I _like_ having you here."

It's strange that Jensen finds truth in that, but he does. Jared's out of place, maybe, but it's like he fits in Jensen's home like he has in every other way in Jensen's life. It's not perfect, but it's a near thing, and Jensen loves it.

"You sure? I mean, I'm kind of a mess. This is place...wow."

Jensen doesn't find his home awe-inspiring, but he looks around just the same to see what Jared's getting at. It's tidy, sure, one might even say too clean, but that's just how Jensen has to have it. "Jared, I'm sure. This...It's me." It is. Jensen sees himself in the house, the clean exterior, the way nothing seems to be out of place. "I like having you with me."

Jared nods but something still seems to be off, and Jensen frowns. "Hey, look at me." 

When Jared does, Jensen greets him with a blinding grin, and he cups Jared's cheek, runs his thumb over the bone. "You fit here. With me." Jensen insists, and he's leaning closer. He doesn't kiss Jared then, no, he wraps his arms around Jared's neck in an effort to pull him closer. When Jared lets out a deep sigh, Jensen kisses the side of his face, his hair, four times with a soft smile. 

Jensen pulls away first, and he has his hand on the back of Jared's neck, grins when Jared's stomach rumbles loudly, and he raises a questioning brow. "You okay, there?" Jensen asks, his tone light and teasing. 

Jared's laugh is booming, but it's the sweetest sound Jensen's ever heard. Jared rubs at his stomach, and he sniffs the air. "What can I say? It smells good, and I'm a growing boy. I gotta eat to keep this body up."

Jensen chuckles, and he shakes his head with a roll of his eyes. "Whatever you say, Sasquatch." He gets up, leaves Jared on the couch as he makes his way back towards the kitchen. 

When Jensen doesn't hear the immediate footsteps of Jared behind him, he casts a glance over his shoulder. 

Jared' gaping at him with a sort of shocked expression. "What the hell did you just call me?" His tone is higher than normal like he can't really believe Jensen just said that.

Jensen grins and winks at him. "You heard me. Now, c'mon. The chili's done, and I thought you needed to eat."

Jared makes an affronted sound, but he's standing up, chasing after Jensen. As Jensen walks away, not looking back, he feels Jared's strong arms wrap around him from behind.

Jensen sighs as he relaxes into Jared's hold, tilts his neck with Jared presses soft kisses to the underside of his ear. They stay there for a few moments, and Jared has Jensen turn his head again so he can get the other side, knowing full well that symmetry is important to him. Jensen might think he loves Jared for that, but he won't say the words aloud. 

Jared breaks off, and takes Jensen's hand, finishes the walk towards the kitchen. He groans when his nose is greeted with the heavy, spiced scent, and Jensen can't hide his grin. He can't wait until after dinner; he's got some plans of his own.


	8. A First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dinner, things go just as Jensen planned and then some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, sexy times. Well, the sexiest times Jensen's ever had.

To say that Jensen didn't plan to have Jared on the couch with him would be a lie, so he won't say it. Dinner went well, and Jared even helped himself to seconds and then thirds. Now, though, they're sitting on the couch, some cheesy movie on in the background, but Jensen isn't paying attention.

No, Jensen's too busy watching the way Jared's face lights up, the way he laughs when something funny happens. He's focused on the hand in his own, the thumb brushing over his knuckles. Jensen's never been in love, but whatever this is, it feels pretty damn close.

While Jared's still engrossed in the movie, Jensen leans over and presses his lips just under Jared's ear, his tongue tracing the outer shell. He's almost afraid that he's going too fast, but when Jared's breath hitches slightly, Jensen knows he's not.

"Jared." Jensen's voice is a rough whisper over the sounds the television makes, and Jared snaps his head in attention. Jensen watches as Jared's chest heaves up and down, his lip between his teeth, and he catches Jensen's gaze. Jensen had every intention of saying something more but Jared's lips interrupt. They kiss, and Jensen gets caught up in the tangle of tongues, the slow, breathy moans. His hands are fisted in Jared's shirt, and he lets his head fall back while he tries to recover his breath.

As Jensen pants, Jared mouth seek out his throat, making these wrecked noises fall from Jensen's lips, and his hands slide down Jared's chest to his hips. Jared's weight presses him down into the couch, and Jensen lets his legs fall open, moaning loudly when Jared slots himself in between his thighs. They're never done this, never even got close, but Jensen's not going to stop it, not when it feels this good.

Jared bites down hard at Jensen's pulse point, and it causes Jensen to cry out and roll his hips sharply up at Jared. "Fuck...Oh, fuck." Jensen groans, and his hands find Jared's ass, pulling him closer.

Their tongues chase each other once more, but soon, as their bodies rock together, they're panting in each other's mouths more than anything else. 

"J-Jen." And Jared's voice sounds harsh, debauched against Jensen's lips, and Jensen loves that he puts that little catch in Jared's voice, wants to hear more. "What-Fuck, what are we doing?"

Jensen can't answer because he doesn't know, not really, so he tries to grind harder against Jared's weight. He feels close already, and that's a damn shame, but it all feels too good to complain. His hands and fingers trace over the clothes on Jared's ass and back before coming up to tangle in his hair. "Please, Jared. Please." He's not even sure what he's asking for.

Jared must know before a sudden thrust has Jensen reeling, his brain trying to play catch up as his orgasm tears through him. It's like fire and ice in his veins, and it's messy through the cotton of his briefs and pants, but he's not thinking about that now.

Jared's tugging at Jensen's lower lip, moaning and rocking harder, his movements reckless. "Jensen." Jared repeats his name over and over again like it's his own, personal mantra, and Jensen's already toppled over the edge, his body slack beneath Jared's frame. "So gorgeous like this." And Jensen doesn't see how Jared thinks so, but he's too sated to question it.

Jensen snakes a hand between them, and he palms at Jared's cock through his jeans, the rough denim scrapes against his fingers. Jared makes a low, guttural moan before he's crying out, his hips jerking against Jensen's hand, and Jensen tries his best to work him through it. Jared collapses atop Jensen, and Jensen cards his fingers lazily though Jared's hair. 

Several long minutes pass after their shared orgasms, and Jensen's finally starting to feel like the mess he is. He lightly shoves at Jared's shoulders, presses a kiss Jared's lips when he moves. Another kiss, four more, and then Jensen's sitting up. "I...I gotta shower." Jared nods and he stands up, looks around the room like he's not sure what to do. "You can have it when I'm done." Jared gives him a blinding grin, nods with that silly, dopey smile, and Jensen smiles as he makes his way towards the bathroom.

The shower is hot, scalding on his skin, and he's in there for forty-two minutes. Jensen brushes his teeth, flosses, and dresses in simple pajamas just to find Jared sleeping on his bed. Jensen didn't ask him to stay, but he was going to, so he figures this is okay, and Jared can shower in the morning.

Jensen's weight dips on the bed, and Jared stirs, looks over to Jensen with that same smile. "Hey." Jared whispers, and he grabs Jensen's hand. 

"Hey." Jensen chuckles, squeezing Jared's fingers. "You go on and sleep, take a shower when you get up."

"You mean I can stay?" Jared asks like Jensen just offered him the world, and Jensen nods back at him. 

When Jared tries to pull Jensen to him, Jensen shakes his head, nods towards the door. "I gotta lock up."

Jared makes a face. "Jen, you did that twice already."

"I know, but it's just something I gotta do."

Jared must get it then because he's nodding and settling back into the pillow.

Jensen makes sure everything's locked up tight, does it three more times before he's coming back to bed, slipping under the covers to join Jared. He sighs and Jared's arms envelop him from behind, and his lips gently presses kisses, in even increments, to the nape of Jensen's neck. "I like that you lock the door like that." Jared says, voice rough and heavy with sleep.

Jensen is astounded, but he stays where he is, locked in Jared's strong embrace. "You do?"

Jensen can feel Jared nod behind him as he presses another few kisses to his neck. "I do. Makes me feel safe." Jared yawns the words, and Jensen can feel a smile on his neck.

Jensen's never had anyone spend the night, and he's really, very glad that it's Jared who gets to be his first, with, well, everything. No more words are spoken that night, but Jensen feels himself smiling as his eyes slip shut, as his body succumbs to peaceful slumber.


	9. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up with Jared plastered to his back is exactly what Jensen expected, terrible. Mostly.

Waking up warm and held tight against someone else, someone as wonderful as Jared, for any other person would be amazing. For Jensen, it's fucking terrifying. He feels smothered and sweaty, and he can smell the linger scents of Jared's come on Jared's body. This is beyond not good. 

None to gently, Jensen scrambles from the bed. He needs to shower, four times, at least. He needs to clean and breathe and clean again because this is too much. And, he needs to get Jared the hell out of his bed as soon as possible. After his showers.

It takes one hour and twenty-six minutes for Jensen to feel clean enough. He brushes his teeth twelve times, and he has to change his clothes twice before he feels comfortable. Jensen's not ready to go back over to the bed, and he needs coffee, lots of it.

Once he's got two cups in him, he lingers outside the door of his bedroom, and he's not prepared for what happens when the door opens. Jared greets him, shirtless, in his dirty jeans, and Jensen is trying really hard not to jump him. It's not fair, not fair at all. This is the first time Jensen is seeing Jared's upper body, and whatever fantasy Jensen may have had, he wasn't prepared for this.

Jared's body...He's a god, a modern day Adonis in Jensen's bedroom. His tan is deep, dark, and his chest is pert and sculpted with darker nipples. His abdomen is chiseled, six visible muscles, and there is a perfect vee that slinks down to the waist of Jared's low-slung jeans. Dark hair dusts under his navel, and Jensen is pretty sure he's staring, especially when Jared chuckles.

"Good morning." Jared laughs, and Jensen sees him lean in. Jensen wants to kiss and touch, but he can't, not yet. He still has so much to do. When Jared's mouth is just breaths away from his, Jensen ducks down and bypasses him to get into the bedroom. "What the hell?!" Jared asks, and when Jensen turns back around, he sees that Jared has whipped around and is now leering at him.

Jensen blushes and shrugs, doesn't even know how to explain himself. With one last glance to Jared's body, Jensen turns his attention to the bed. Jensen's wearing latex gloves, and he grabs the bedclothes, takes everything, including pillowcases from the bed and has to pass Jared to head to the laundry room.

Jared must follow because he's there, just as soon as Jensen's got the load in with the correct amount of soap powder. Jensen faces him with a small smile and an accompanying shrug. What else he's to do, he doesn't know. 

"Jensen?" Jared sounds more than confused which Jensen doesn't understand. OCD! He's said this. Jared has to know how much this is bothering him, right?

"Yeah?" Jensen asks, looking at Jared's face and not his body. 

Jared sighs, and he takes a step closer so Jensen dodges it again. "Why can't I kiss you?"

Jensen rolls his eyes like the words that are about to come out of his mouth are the most obvious in the world. "You haven't showered. Your teeth aren't clean, and you're all...sweaty." Jensen points out, and Jared makes a sound that can only be described as pure frustration.

"I thought I was different."

Jensen wants to say that Jared is because it's true, but it doesn't hold true for everything, apparently. "Please. Just go shower? There's an extra toothbrush in there, too."

Jared sighs heavily, and he turns and walks out, leaves Jensen in his spotless laundry room.

When Jensen hears a door shut in just a few seconds, he's sure Jared's gone and left for good, but Jensen hears the start of the shower. With a relieved sigh, Jensen gets back to cleaning, has to make his room, his home as clean as possible before he starts breakfast.

Jensen's got breakfast on the table and he's just finished making his kitchen floor shine when Jared comes out of the bathroom, still dressed in yesterday's jeans. His shirt and boxers are in a plastic bag, Jensen can see that, and he'd commend Jared on his attempt at cleanliness if it wasn't for that perfect upper half...that was still wet.

"Can I kiss you good morning now?" Jared asks, and Jensen is forced to redirect his attention to Jared's face. "My teeth are minty fresh and everything."

And really, Jensen cannot be blamed for dropping his mop and crowding Jared against the refrigerator. Jared's face is this strange mix of confused, maybe scared, but excited nonetheless, but Jensen doesn't dwell.

His lips seek and find Jared's in an electric kiss, his fingers sliding down the expanse of skin he now has to work with. Jared's skin is hot, still damp under his fingertips and Jensen wants to, no, has to taste, after he's got an even number of kisses to Jared's lips. He mouths along Jared's jaw and neck, listens to the surprised gasps Jared's making, and it just encourages him.

Jensen bites at Jared's collarbone, and his fingers rest on Jared's hips, thumbing over the sharp protrusion of bone. As he continues his downward trail with his mouth, Jared's hand come to Jensen's hair, his neck, anywhere like he's trying to touch everywhere at once. When Jensen's teeth tug at Jared's nipple, Jared fucking moans and rocks into it. He does the same to the other side.

"Fuck...Jensen...Oh god, yes. Like that." 

Jensen grins as he leaves kisses and nips, hard sucks of Jared's skin as he lowers himself. His tongue dips into Jared's navel, and he bites down on Jared's hipbone, hard. "Please. Jen...Please. Need you."

And just like that, Jensen's had his fill. The whole ordeal took eight minutes and sixteen seconds, and Jensen's mouth is damp, swollen red, and he straightens out his back so he's eye level, well, nearly, with Jared once more. With a hand on either side of Jared's face, Jensen leans up and in, places a kiss to both corners of Jared's mouth. "Good morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so it was so short, and I had originally said I'd leave like that, but...now it's better. I think.


	10. No, Really.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen gets some seriously surprising news.

"You're such a fucking tease." Jared complains, but Jensen can't wipe the smirk off his face as he moves to sit at the kitchen table. Jared must finally take notice of the breakfast foods because he's groaning, and his eyes light up like it's Christmas time. "Oh God. Dude, you cooked?"

"No, of course not." Jensen rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he adjusts his fork. 

"But then how did it...Oh." Jared blushes and sits down, rubbing his stomach when it growls. "Smells great, Jen. Really."

Jensen takes the compliment well with a word of thanks. Once his fork is in the right position, he picks it up and starts to eat.

The breakfast goes well enough, and Jensen moves to brush his teeth twice, like he does after every meal. 

"I wanna stay here all day." Jared says once Jensen's fresh from the bathroom, and Jensen shakes his head.

"Nope. Get your lazy ass outta my house."

Jared looks chastised for a moment before he looks to Jensen and sees that bright grin. "Oh, you fucker!" Jared exclaims before he's moving quickly, crowding into Jensen's space, pushing him back against the counter. 

"Jared. Don't. I gotta wash the dishes."

"Leave 'em." Jared's giving Jensen a wounded puppy look, and Jensen just rolls his eyes.

"You _know_ I can't." Jensen turns, Jared's arms on either side of him, but Jared doesn't seem to be taking the hint.

Whatever. It doesn't bother Jensen too much, and he resumes cleaning up the plates. That is, until Jared presses closer, and Jensen can feel Jared's warm and firm body burning through his shirt. "J-Jared, please." 

"Please, what, Jen?" Jared slides his hands closer, right against Jensen's body. His chin rests on Jensen's shoulder, and he turns his head. Jensen can feel Jared's hot breath on his ear and neck, and it's taking everything in him not to shiver.

"I gotta do this. Please, don't."

"Oh."

And just like that, Jared's stepping away, not even touching Jensen as he heads back to the couch. 

Jensen tries not to let it bother him, but he spends an extra twenty minutes cleaning. "Jared, I'm not sorry."

Jared looks up, shrugs a bit. "It's not like I expect you to be. I forget, y'know. It's not...You're not like anyone I've ever dated."

Jensen sighs and he moves across the room, sits next to Jared with barely more than a foot of space between them. "For that...For that, I am sorry."

"Don't be." Jared's voice is soft, and he places his hand on Jensen's knee, gives it a little squeeze. "Seriously. I love it about you."

Jensen barks a laugh of disbelief. "Really, you love my OCD?"

With a roll of his eyes, Jared shakes his head. "No, idiot. I love _you._ "

Wait. Hold the phone. What? There's no way, and it's...wow. "Wow." _Really, Jensen. You're really speaking your mind today._

"Wow?" Jared asks, cocking his head to the side. "That's all you got to say."

No. No, it's all Jensen has to say. Jensen's been thinking those words for weeks now, had been trying to tell himself that it was too soon, but here Jared is, sitting right next to him, telling him he loves him. Someone, some amazing, perfect person loves Jensen. Holy shit. Jensen's not sure this is real. He wants to scream, to shout from mountain tops, but he doesn't. 

"Wha...How?"

Jared's face goes through a variety of different expressions, but it ends up looking more sad than anything else. He turns move, props his foot up on the couch. Normally, Jensen would shove it off, would admonish that sort of behavior, but right now Jensen is having a really hard time trying to breathe.

Jared's hand comes up to frame Jensen's face on one side, and his large thumb rubs just under his eye. "You...God, Jensen."

Jensen's not sure what to think, but with how sad Jared sounds, how in awe, he doesn't think it's anything good. Jensen closes his eyes, tries not to think about how this could all go wrong. But, before Jensen has anymore time to think negatively, Jared's leaning in and capturing Jensen's lips in the sweetest kiss of his entire life. 

Jared lets Jensen take control before too long, but when he pulls away, Jared's lips find Jensen's forehead twice before he knocks their heads together. "How could I not?"

This has never, ever happened to Jensen before, and to say he's speechless is an understatement. He just smiles like an idiot, kissing Jared again, feeling happy with someone that _loves_ him. It's pretty fucking amazing, if you ask Jensen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really short, and I'm sorry, but I'm hoping the sweetness makes up for that.


	11. Breakthrough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen can't handle the pressure, and Jared's dealing with some stuff of his own.

Jensen is still in shock that Jared told him he loves him. The feeling doesn't go away. It's boiled down deep in Jensen's blood, and it shakes his entire foundation, his very core. It's strange and exciting, this thought that he is loved, that he's wanted, and he doesn't know how to process it all.

Going into an OCD overdrive seems to be how Jensen is handling it. It's not working out very well. His cleaning becomes impeccable, his rituals flawless and overdone. He'd kicked Jared out soon after the confession, but he did it the best way he knew how. He kissed Jared perfectly, sealing their lips together until it all become too much, and then he said his goodbyes.

It's temporary, at least, that's what Jensen keeps telling himself. He'll get back to Jared soon enough. He has to. Jensen's not sure he knows what to do without it. Perhaps, that's why he's pushed him away. Jensen isn't used to needing people, to allowing himself that luxury. Deep down, Jensen _knows_ that one day Jared will see him for the freak that he is and leave. Jensen wants to save him that trouble.

They talked, at first. On the phone, mostly. Jared would call, or Jensen would call, and every time they hung up, Jared would tell Jensen he loves him. After the first week, Jared stopped calling, and he stopped answering Jensen's calls.

It's over. Jensen's pretty sure. He's not sure what he's done, well, not completely sure, but it's done. He goes into hyperdrive. He feels lost, alone, moreso than before, and he fucking hates it.

Luckily, for Jensen, things don't stay that way. Jared gives Jensen two weeks of space before he's pounding at Jensen's door at two o'clock in the damn morning.

"Jensen! Open up. I know you're in there." Of course, Jared does. Jensen's car hasn't moved. 

"Jen, _please_." And it's probably terrible to think of how beautiful it sounds when Jared begs. 

With a defeated sigh, Jensen grumbles his way over to the door, and he starts the process of unlocking the door. It's never taken this long before.

"Just let me in." And Jensen's not sure if Jared means just the door, not when that statement could be so much more.

Jensen looses himself in his thoughts. Letting Jared in. He's been doing that, letting Jared see pieces of him that no one's ever got to before. He thinks he likes that, that Jared knows him better than anyone else. It's strange, they really haven't known each other that long at all, but it's still true. Maybe that's all Jensen's fault. Well, there's no maybe about it. Jensen doesn't let people in, doesn't let them see him. Sure, he has friends, but they're not close, and they've certainly never heard of Jared though Jared's heard _everything_ about them.

"Jensen." Jared's knock has ceased, and his pleads sound softer, almost like he's about to give up, and Jensen can so not let that happen.

With two more clicks from the locks, Jensen twists the knob and pulls the door open.

Jared is gorgeous, Jensen knows that. Jared seems to be this impossible mix of sex-god and fucking adorable, and he pulls it off so well. Now, though. Now, Jared looks haggard, his eyes tired and red-rimmed like he hasn't slept in weeks.

"You look like shit.'' Jensen blurts out and then covers his treacherous mouth with his hand. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't...You look-" Jensen rambles against his palm before Jared saves them both tugs Jensen's wrists away gently.

"It's been a bad few days." Jared says softly, and his hands haven't let go of Jensen yet. In fact, his other one is rubbing over the top of Jensen's hand, up his forearm. 

"Because of me?" Jensen wonders because he'd hate to be the one who did that to Jared. Christ, it looks like someone broke his spirit.

Jared laughs, a sad and bitter sound, and he shakes his head. "No, not you." He shrugs a little bit before he adds, "Well, not just you."

Jensen nods, and he takes a step back, tugging Jared who's still holding onto him along with him. "Come inside."

"You sure you want me here?" And that laugh's back. Jensen decides he hates that sound.

"I _always_ want you here." Jensen means it, the past two days ignored. He could have handled Jared earlier. It just would have been harder, but Jensen would have made due. Jared seems, no, Jared is worth it.

Jared nods like puzzles pieces are finally shaping and moving where they need to be, and he lets Jensen lead him over to the couch.

It's quiet. Jensen just sits next to Jared, his head resting on the curve of the other's upper arm, on his shoulder, their hands twined together. Jensen's thumb strokes over the sharp bone on the outside of Jared's wrist. It's not uncomfortable, this silence, and Jensen is just so incredibly relieved that he didn't manage to mess everything up.

Jared is the first to break the silence, and he does so by turning his body, angling it more towards Jensen. "I missed you." Jared sounds sad, and his eyes are watery, shining like he might cry. When he actually does, when the tear slips from his beautiful eye, Jensen's hand is there before he knows it, brushing it away.

"What happened?" Jensen asks, knows it's not his near-rejection that caused Jared this much pain. At least, he hopes it's not.

''My brother died." And Jensen's heart sinks. He has a brother, an older one, just like Jared, and though they don't get along, Jensen can't imagine what it'd be like to lose him.

Instead of offering condolences like he knows he should, Jensen's damn logical brain takes over. "When?" 

"You really have no shame, do you?" Jared asks.

Jensen frowns, and he looks up because he does feel shame. Everyday. Asking that....He shouldn't have done that. "I was...That was-I'm sorry."

Jensen finally looks at Jared's face again, and he sees the corner of Jared's lips curving up. "I was kidding. Calm down. I told you before, I like that about you. You don't sugarcoat shit. It's fucking refreshing is what it is." 

Jensen's at a loss for words, and all he can seem to do is nod. Jared takes pity on him again and tugs him closer. "Last week." Jared says softly, and he kisses Jensen's temple briefly. That explains why the calls stopped. "I couldn't...I wasn't handling it well."

"You should have come to me. I would have...tried to help."

Jared smiles, wider and more real than the tired ones he's been giving Jensen since he got here. "You really would have, wouldn't you?"

Jensen nods, and he nuzzles into Jared's neck with one arm wrapped tight around Jared's middle. 

"I love you." Jared says again, and Jensen smiles against Jared's throat. 

"I know." 

Jensen feels those words, can't say them, but he feels them. But this, acknowledging and not doubting Jared, that's something new.

"You know." Jensen can hear the smug hint in Jared's tone, and he squeezes him tighter. Jensen presses his lips to Jared's neck softly, just twice. "I...I trust you."

And Jared knows how huge that is for Jensen, how Jensen doesn't trust anyone really. It's overwhelming, but Jared just nods, and kisses the top of Jensen's head.

The silence that follows is welcome, and it's comforting. The two of them sit there, tangled up in each other. Occasionally, they kiss, but more often than not, they're just touching. Soft, gentle caresses with no real pattern, and no place to go, and Jensen knows that this, right here with Jared, it's all he's ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this took so long to get out. I'm usually so much better at updating. The next piece will be longer, and hopefully, more timely. I just posted my bigbang, so that's where all my time's been spent lately. It's over now, so things should get back on track here shortly.


	12. He'll Give Him What He Needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A grieving Jared begs for some release, and Jensen complies despite the doubt he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, sexy times. Ish.

Jared stays the night, and they wind up tangled in each other's arms in Jensen's bed. He's trying to repress, not allow his compulsions to control him right now because Jared needs him, needs stability. Jensen, most of the time, is anything but stable. He is trying, though.

After waking up and showering four times, Jensen makes his way into the kitchen, allowing Jared to sleep on. He cooks a big breakfast full of food Jensen doesn't usually indulge in. He goes for a run, counteractive as that is, but he spends half an hour outside and runs exactly two miles. Sweat is dripping from his hair and clinging to his body when he finally makes his way inside. He nearly runs into Jared, and Jensen gulps at the sight of him standing there, upper half damp from the shower, a towel around his waist. 

Jensen blushes and ducks his head, tries to not stare, but it's hard. Jared's firm all over, taut muscles and miles of tan skin that Jensen really, really wants to lick. He takes a calming breath, really needs to stop. Jared doesn't seem fazed, and he lifts up Jensen's chin, smiling. 

"G'morning." Jared drawls, and he leans in for a kiss, exclaiming, "I even brushed my teeth and everything!"

Jensen moves at the last minute, side stepping Jared's advances. "Sorry. I'm all sweaty." He says as an excuse.

"I noticed." But he doesn't seem disgusted like Jensen probably would. "Don't...let me." And he tilts up Jensen's head again, leaning down and capturing his lips in a slow, deep kiss.

Jensen could kiss Jared forever, could write sonnets about his mouth. His hands move up, tangle in Jared's soft and wet hair, and he feels Jared's lip widen into a smile against his lips. Jensen gasps slightly at the surprise of it, and Jared takes advantage of Jensen's open mouth, pushing his tongue inside.

Jensen moans into his, his hold on Jared's hair tightening, urging Jared closer. 

"Need you." Jared groans, pushing Jensen back against the wall, trying to pry of his clothes. 

That wakes Jensen out of his stupor. "Jared." He pushes weakly at Jared's chest, tosses his head back. He feels the press of Jared's lips, the glide of his tongue and scrape of his teeth against his neck, and he moans, his hands moving to grip Jared's shoulders. "Please." That's not where he planned, what he wanted at all, but he can't bring himself to care. He feels that smile again as Jared mouths along his throat, down the hollow of it.

Jensen is hard, no surprise there, and he's gasping for breath, panting. "I...Ja--Jared." His voice cracks and breaks, and he's bucking against Jared's hip, desperately seeking some sort of friction.

"I got you." Jared says, the words coming out strong like a promise. "Let me take care of you."

Part of Jensen knows that this could be wrong, could be way too soon, especially after the grief Jared's going through, but his dick doesn't seem to mind.

In a haze, Jensen's vaguely aware of his shirt being peeled off his body. He runs his tongue over his top lip at the feel of Jared's lips ghosting down his chest, teeth pulling his nipple into the wet heat of his mouth. Jensen moans loudly, his body arching into it, seeking his warm tongue, and his breath hitches and staggers in his throat. "Ple-please." Jensen begs, and he feels Jared stop, feels the grip on his wrist as he's being pulled to the bedroom.

Jared backs him up, pushes at his torso until Jensen's lying flat on his back against the mattress. Jared's tongue dips into Jensen's navel, and he shivers, the feeling hitting him hard, sends his hips canting in the air.

He hears Jared's boisterous laugh, and Jensen would glare down at him if his shorts weren't currently being dragged down his thighs. Jensen cries out when the warmth of Jared's mouth moves along his hard cock, through the fabric of his boxer-briefs. "Please." Jensen begs, voice near raw. "Please, Jared. Fuck....Fuck me."

Jensen's never said those words before, not to anyone, and he doesn't regret them, not one bit. He loves Jared, wants this to happen. 

Jared groans as he slips Jensen's underwear down, tosses them to the floor, but he's shaking his head. "C-can't." Jared says, and Jensen frowns, feels near frantic.

"Wha--why not?" Jensen demands, his voice pleading, but Jared's not having it. He throws his towel off, and for a brief moment Jensen gets to see Jared in all his glory. His cock is thick, steel hard, and raised. It's long, much bigger that Jensen's and he wants it inside of him so damn badly. "Please. Jay, please." Jensen whines, but he's silenced when Jared crawls up his body, his mouth meeting Jensen's in a hungry kiss.

The feel of Jared bare and hard atop him leaves Jensen spiraling, reeling for some kind of control, but Jared is a solid weight, trapping him and pinning him down, fighting his compulsions.

Jared rolls his hips painfully slow, and Jensen gasps, back arching off the bed.

They turn into a mess, a heated, seamless pile of gyrating flesh. Jared's fingers are gripped tight to Jensen's shoulders and his own hands are raking down Jared's firm back, nails scratching the skin. They're both groaning, grunting as they rock and roll and slide together. It's hot, sweaty, messy, and disgusting, and Jensen is in love with the moment. "F-fuck." Jensen practically sobs and his hips jerk and sputter, breathing in pained pants as his orgasm rips through his entire body.

Above him, Jared moans loudly. "So perfect, Jen. So beautiful like this. So free." And if Jensen weren't rocking through the aftershocks, he'd ask what that means. He feels Jared's pace become erratic and sloppy before he feels the wet, warm release hit his stomach and chest.

After, they lie there covering in their own releases, in sweat and come, and Jensen just kisses Jared's lips lazily, wraps his arms tight around him and holds him close. Jared needed this, Jensen realizes. He's grieving, and he's in pain, and if just for a second, Jensen can help, then he will, and he did.

He's tired, filthy, but neither of them move. They stay like that, coated and locked together, eyes slipping shut before they fall asleep. Together.


	13. Just Say Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared finally needs to make his way back home, and Jensen makes a discovery.

For two more days, Jensen has Jared share his home, his bed. After that first time, that wonderful time, they don't go further than kissing. Sex. God, Jensen's thinking about it all the time, how it would feel, how it could change them.

He wants to, and he knows Jared wants to, but he doesn't know how long Jared will wait, or if Jensen can even handle it.

He's never...there's never been an occasion, and Jensen doesn't want to be a fumbling virgin forever. It's best not to think about it.

That's a good idea, but the trouble with Jensen is that once he sets himself on not thinking about something, it takes everything in him to make that happen. His compulsions, they escalate. Everything becomes a task, a ritual, and each kiss with Jared feels mechanical and wrong. Numbers and seconds, calculating how long each one needs to feel and needs to last.

Jared, fortunately, doesn't notice. Or, at least, he doesn't seem to.

Jared's sitting on the couch, flipping through mindless television, when Jensen gets the urge to get up and do something, anything to stop thinking. 

"I'll be right back." Jensen says, and he kisses both corners of Jared's mouth before getting up, heading to the bedroom. 

He's doing laundry, sorting the colors, wondering just how Jared's things mingled with his own. It's easy, relaxing, but the dryer door catches wrong.

With a long and heavy sigh, Jensen opens it, shuts it again. It keeps going, the gentle clicks turning to slams, and Jensen's trying really hard to get it just right.

He knows how dumb this is, knows that nothing bad will happen if he just leaves it be. That's the problem. He knows and still feels compelled to make it right, to make it better until it's done properly. Perfectly.

He's startled by a glimpse of Jared leaning against the door frame of the laundry room, but that doesn't stop him.

"Jensen." Jared calls, and his voice is firm.

"Hmm?" He looks up, sighs and looks back down because he's lost his place and has to start all over again.

"What are you doing?"

Jensen resists the urge to roll his eyes because that much should be obvious. He's doing laundry. Plain and simple.

He feels strong arms wrap around his waist from behind, feels a chin on his shoulder, and he's being tugged, his back flush to Jared's chest. Jared kisses just under Jensen's ear twice, beautiful touches that Jensen wants to get lost in.

"It's just OCD, Jensen. You can stop."

Oh. Oh, wow. He's never really thought of that, but it's easy enough to do. Stop. Just don't do it. Don't get caught up in the ritual and stop. He's not sure how Jared makes it sound so easy. 

With a soft sigh, Jensen leans back against Jared, rolls his head back until it rests atop Jared's shoulder and smiles. "Hi."

Jared grins so hard his dimples show, and he leans down and in for a slow and tender kiss. He tries to leave it at one, but Jensen doesn't stop there. Perfection is still the goal, and more kisses and two-hundred forty-eight seconds pass because he's able to stop.

He's not sure when he turned around in Jared's arms, when his hands had moved to cup Jared's hips, but he doesn't care, not with Jared looking at him the way he does.

"Do that." Jensen nods a few times, trying to make his point. Obviously, he fails.

"Do what?"

Jensen huffs a little laugh and ducks his head, nuzzles Jared's neck. He's tickling Jared's chin and jaw with his hair because he hears Jared chuckle and feels arms tighten around him. "Call me out. If it's too much, or if you think it's unnecessary, call me out. I can't guarantee that it'll work every time, but I'd like you to try."

Jared grins and nods, and he presses his lips four times to Jensen's temple like Jensen is something precious or sacred. It's a good feeling.

"I can do that." Jared promises before releasing his hold. "I gotta go back to work though. I've had enough time off."

Jensen's not fond of having Jared leave again, but he understands it. He nods and smiles, gets lost in Jared's lips again for several goodbye kisses.

Jared ends up being twenty minutes late to work, but the flush to his face when he finally does leave lets Jensen know that he doesn't really mind all that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pointless fluff. Well, it's not pointless. I'm building up to something greater, some larger conflict, and the boys will need days like these to fall back on. I can't promise length in my next post, though that is what I hope for. However, I can promise conflict, a small one, a leak in the dam, if you will.


	14. No.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. It's over, Jensen's sure of it. He doesn't know how to fix it, doesn't know how to make Jared stay, so he braces himself for the end.  
> Or not at all. Stupid Jared and his stupid surprises. They'll be the death of Jensen, he knows it.

Okay, so things are moving...faster than Jensen planned. Jared's at his home more often than not, and Jensen's even managed to set foot in Jared's apartment. Well, that only lasted for a few seconds until Jared's hell beasts ( _Jen, they're just overgrown pups!_ ) greeted him, rather enthusiastically and with tongues, and Jared's the only one Jensen can accept that kind of greeting from.

Jensen's trying. That's important. Jared says it is. It has to be true, right? There's no reason for Jared to lie.

Except...

Well, things are getting tense. There's no beating around the bush. Jensen doesn't do that. Something is on his mind, and he says it, works it out, solves it like a riddle because he has to. He can't leave something unsaid, leave a problem. Usually.

He can't fix this. He can't. He's tried to talk about it, ends up attacking Jared's mouth like he's hungry for it. They still haven't had sex that. Maybe that's the problem. It's been a few months, and no sex. 

Jared tells Jensen that he understands, that he'll wait, but Jensen knows things don't last forever. No matter how much he wants them to.

\----

"I love you." Jared greets him at the small cafe, the only one Jensen really allows himself to go to, and Jensen gives him a smile, a nod. 

"I know."

Jared's formally infections grin fades away in an instant before coming back in full force, harder even, and Jensen's confused.

It's not that Jensen doesn't feel it. He's not robot for Christ's sake. He just...Love is a big deal, okay? It is. He's never told anyone that, his family aside. And he does love Jared. He loves him so much that it scares the hell out of him, like his world would crash and burn if Jared left.

That's why Jensen can't return those three simple words. Saying it makes it real, and Jensen's not ready for the pain.

They sit and have their coffee, and Jensen listens as Jared rambles on about something he doesn't care about. He still listens. Boring to Jensen isn't always boring to Jared, and he's working at remembering that fact.

Jensen struggles with picking up a sugar packet, and he can hear Jared's exasperated sigh. Immediately, he feels regret and ignorance. Jared shouldn't have to put up with this. It's not fair.

His feelings must show because the next thing Jensen knows, Jared's warm and large palm is covering his own, and he can feel Jared's thumb stroke his own. "Jen...Jen, it's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay."

But it's not and Jensen can tell by Jared's tight tone of voice. His eyes sting, and he blinks a few times to clear his vision. "Jared, I l..." Now is not the time, so he sniffs and gets his hand from under Jared's, goes back to his coffee. "I'm sorry."

When Jensen meets Jared's gaze, he surprised to see the moisture at the corners of Jared's eyes, and it feels like goodbye. _Oh, god. Oh, no._ This is it. It's over.

Jared leans forward across the table and cradles Jensen's face in his palms. Jensen lets out a soft sigh and mentally prepares himself for the oncoming blow, closes his eyes. Jared's lips touch Jensen's eyelids, and Jensen barely feels it, too caught up in trying to memorize every detail so he won't forget what Jared's lips feel like. What he smells like (Coffee and sweat. Always. Jensen's not sure why, but he likes it.) He's not ready for this to be over.

"Move in with me."

Jensen chokes on a sob, eyes snapping open, scanning Jared's face. "Wha-Jared?"

"Move in with me."

Jensen could cry, he's so relieved. Jared's been acting strange because of this? The idiot. It is a big deal. Living with someone. Sharing his home, space, comfort zone. Jensen doesn't like the idea of having someone else around. He has rules. Rules that cannot be broken and living with Jared would toss them all away. Jensen can't do that.

"No."

Jared gulps and lets his hands fall to the table. He turns his head like he might cry, but Jensen's smiling. "Jen? Wha-I thought--It's too soon, right? This isn't-we're not a forever kind of thing, are we?"

"Move in with _me_." Jensen says with a laugh, and he winks when Jared finally looks at him again. "Your house isn't even a house. You barely fit there. I can't move my things, and your dogs could use a yard."

"Jensen?! What-I don't..."

Jensen leans in and kisses Jared's rambling mouth, keeps kissing long past the point of chaste and acceptable for public places, but perfection, as always, is needed. 

"Move in with me." Jensen repeats, and Jared laughs, kisses him again and again, and Jensen forgets there was ever anything to be worried about in the first place.


	15. Domestic Bliss...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving Jared in is a lot harder for Jensen than he anticipated.

Okay, so living with Jared is a lot harder than Jensen originally expected, and that actually hasn't happened yet. 

First off, actually moving Jared's stuff inside his neat and ordered home nearly sends Jensen into a full blown panic-attack because Jared has a lot of stuff-more stuff than a single guy needs-and the clutter it creates sends Jensen into a fit.

Another thing that's plaguing Jensen's mind are those damn dogs. Jensen considers himself a reasonable guy and designating the dogs to only coming inside for twelve supervised minutes a day sounds more than accommodating in Jensen's mind. Jared doesn't seem to to think so.

"What, Jen, you're _insane._ There's no way the kids can't be inside with us all the time."

Kids? Seriously? No. No, Jensen doesn't like that at all. "Jared, _they're_ insane. And huge, too. I mean, what if they knock something down? What if something gets moved? What will I do then?"

Normally, this would be the part where Jared tells Jensen he's obsessing again, and Jensen would calm down and realize the error of his ways.

Yeah, well, fuck normalcy. "Goddammit, Jensen! Could, for once, we not bring up your..." Jared makes an, what Jensen thinks is, offensive gesture with his finger, loops it in a circle around the side of his head.

"My what, Jared? Hmm? My OCD? That it? That's what you can't say?" He's not even sure why Jared's having a problem with this now. Jensen's argument was perfectly reasonable after all.

"Jensen, you know I didn't mean it like that."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "Right. So that thing with your hand was what? Not saying I'm fucking _crazy_ because from where I'm standing that's _exactly_ what you're trying to say." 

Jared looks a little hurt at that,and inwardly, Jensen's cheering. Serves him right, the asshole. 

"Get your shit, move it in, or don't. Whatever. Just...make sure you lock up _when_ you leave." Jensen's never done this, never stormed out on Jared, but he can't get out of there fast enough. That's not entirely true. He can't get out of there fast enough as someone with an extremely annoying disorder will allow. 

Then there's the matter of actually leaving when he gets to his car. He cranks and re-cranks the engine, key turning just-so in the ignition, but nothing feels right. Whatever. That's fine. Jensen can deal. He puts his head against the wheel and starts to hum, rocking forward a little. It's too much, and living with Jared was a terrible idea because Jensen's too much of a _freak_ to deal with. 

Soft knocking interrupts Jensen's thoughts precisely twenty-one minutes later. "Jensen? Jensen, you're not invisible. I can still totally see you." 

Jared seems to think laughing is appropriate, but Jensen's too busy trying not to cry to notice. 

"Jensen?" Jared tries, voice softer this time. "Jen, please. I'm sorry." 

Still, Jensen can't make his head lift up from the steering wheel, and Jared must take the hint because he doesn't hear him again. What he does here is the sound of Jared's vehicle rolling away, and Jensen finally lets those stubborn tears fall. 

He doesn't go anywhere himself, just gets out of the car and takes the calculated steps to get back in his house. He gets every lock just right before making his way down the hall. He feels miserable, and he just wants to go to bed despite the early hour. 

Naturally, going to bed involves rituals and precise actions that manage taking well over an hour--one hundred minutes exactly. 

When he crawls into bed, Jensen finds that even though he's showered, he's still crying. He's really done it this time. Jared finally saw who he really is, what he'd have to deal with if he stayed, and Jensen decides that Jared's probably saving himself a whole hell of a lot of trouble. It's better this way, for Jared at least, and Jensen can say--at least to himself--that he loves Jared enough to let him go. 

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a bitch, though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to get out, and I know it's short. I'd like to say I had a good excuse, but other than barely working on my J2 bigbang, I'm afraid I don't have one.  
> I apologize again for how long it took me to get this out as well as the length, but I do hope it's, at least, satisfactory for all y'all that read it.


	16. I Laught At 'I Love You'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's more than surprised when Jared returns, but that isn't half as exciting as what Jensen finally has the nerve to say.

"I took pictures."

That's what Jensen hears as he feels new weight on his bed. Groggily, he opens his eyes and rolls on his side, eyes widening when he sees who has joined him.

"J-Jared?" Jensen questions, sitting up instantly. He wants to reach out and touch, to hold him so badly but he doesn't in fear that all of this is a dream.

Jared makes a face, seems a little confused. "Who else were you expecting?"

"No...No one. I just--You _left._ "

Jared rolls his eyes, like Jensen's missing something important, and Jensen's pretty sure he is, so the eye roll is somewhat appropriate. "I had to. I can't exactly move in without the rest of my stuff, now, can I?"

Jensen makes a sound at that, and he all but jumps Jared, arms going tight around him as he peppers his face and neck with kisses, an even amount of course.

Jared's laughing, his arms wrapping around Jensen's back, and Jensen's never felt closer. "If I'da known this would be your reaction, I'da came back sooner. Might have to leave again just to be sure."

Jensen squeaks and shakes his head, arms tight around Jared like he's physically keeping him there. "No. No, don't. _Please?_ "

"Jen?" Jared questions, and Jensen forces himself to pull back enough to look at Jared's face. He can tell when Jared notices that he's been crying by the way his mouth tightens and his eyes widen. "Jen...Baby, what happened?"

And Jensen's hugging him again, whimpering and crying in Jared's neck like a two year old having a tantrum, and Jared's holding him through it.

Pretty soon, Jensen's telling him everything, how he thought Jared was gone for good, how alone and sad he felt. "It's just...I love you so much, Jared. So damn much, and the thought of losing you...I just--I can't bear it." 

Jared stops touching him, stops completely, and Jensen pulls back. He knows he's a wreck, probably has tears and snot all over Jared's neck and shirt, and he feels so ashamed.

Jensen sniffs hard and wipes under his nose with the back of his head, sitting back on his calves and looking down, closing his eyes because Jared's really going to leave now, he just knows it.

"Jen?" Jared sounds unsure, and Jensen whimpers, can't bring himself to watch him go. "Jen, please, look at me."

Still unable to move, Jensen feels Jared's gentle fingertips easing his chin upwards. "Jensen..." Jensen closes his eyes again when he feels Jared's thumbs swipe at his cheeks, and he forces himself to take eight calming breaths. 

"I'm sorry." Jensen breaks the silence after a few moments, biting his lip as he looks to Jared finally. 

Jared looks at Jensen like he's crazy, and the next thing he knows, Jared's hauling him closer with two firm hands on his face, and he presses their mouths together.

Jensen's had some pretty extraordinary kisses in his life, all he can say were with Jared, and he even knows their total times. It's important to him. But this one? Jensen's never felt anything like this. 

As their lips move and mold together, Jensen feels it all the way down to his toes. His hands find themselves tangled in Jared's hair as they kiss each other desperately, passionately. 

When they part, Jensen's breathless, staring at Jared like he's the most amazing person he's ever met, and he is, so the look is appropriate.

"You're not going?"

Jared looks offended, but he shakes his head, kissing Jensen again and sucking at Jensen's lower lip when he pulls away. Jensen's about to protest because as good as that was-and it was amazing-it's not enough, but Jared's right there, giving Jensen's upper lip the same treatment. 

"That was the best twelve minutes and forty-two seconds of my life." Jensen tells him seriously as Jared brings their foreheads together. 

"It wasn't mine." Jared admits, and Jensen feels that dread again. "No, my favorite moment of all time was just a little while ago, when you said that-that you loved me."

Oh. Oh, Jensen _did_ say that. Oh, wow. "Say it again?" Jared asks, and Jensen can't deny that face anything. 

"I love you." He whispers, sounds a little unsure. He pecks kisses over Jared's mouth and jaw, nips at his chin twice. "I love you." Jensen's voice is firmer, and by the time he's kissing his way down Jared's neck, he's repeating the phrase over and over again as Jared laughs happily, and Jensen thinks that maybe living together can't be _all_ bad, even if he has to put up with Jared's hellbeasts...He means, dogs.

It doesn't get further than kissing, but Jensen rests his head sleepily on Jared's chest, content to listen to his heartbeat and feel Jared's strong fingers dance over his neck and tangle through his hair. "You brought pictures?" Jensen finally asks, remembering what Jared said in the first place. 

"I did. Of your stuff, so even if things get moved, I'll know exactly where everything goes so I can put it back."

That may have been the sexiest thing Jensen's ever heard, but he's not going to tell Jared that, not now anyway. "Sounds good." Besides, they have all the time in the world to finally get to that stage. They're living together after all.


	17. Domestic Bliss is for Suckers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living with Jared is exactly how he thought it would be. Hard as hell, but Jensen's willing to try. The question is whether Jared can or not.

As it turns on, living with Jared is just as hard-if not harder-than Jensen had originally thought. He didn't lie though. He does love Jared. It's just that Jared isn't exactly neat. Or tidy. Or even remotely organized.

Jensen's just counting through his cereal boxes, has to since Jared can't pick just one box like Jensen, when Jared and his mutts come running through the door. Jensen groans, head falling because not only did he lose count, but it rained last night, so there will be mud all over his floors.

"Jensen? You still ho-Oh, there you are.'' Jensen doesn't need to look up to see Jared's bright grin. It hardly ever leaves his face anyway.

"Whatchu doin'?" Jared asks, lazy and out of breath, and Jensen can smell mud and sweat, and he kind of wants to die. 

Jared doesn't get an answer because Jensen doesn't feel like giving him one. Instead, he sits back up, straightens out his spine, and he gets back to counting and organizing. It's important to have everything put in alphabetical order most of the time, but with food, expiration dates take precedent. 

"Right.'' Jared sighs, sounding exasperated, and that's another thing. Jared does that now more than he used to. He's often huffing and sighing and sounding so tired all of time, and for the live of him, Jensen can't figure out why. 

Hearing the sounds of Jared's footfalls leaving the room provides another distraction that has Jensen counting each step until the sound stops.

"Shower before you touch anything!" Jensen shouts, his first words since Jared came home from his run, and he hears the water start only fifty-two seconds later.

Smiling, Jensen gets back to his work. He'll finish up here, and then he'll clean up the inevitable mess. Maybe it won't be such a bad day.

\--  
It was. It was an extremely awful day. Everything kept going wrong, and Jared. Well, Jensen doesn't know exactly what to do with the man.

Currently, they're fighting. It's something that happens more often than not in the past few weeks since Jared's moved it.

"Just fold the bag down. How hard is that?" Jensen asks, pinching the bridge of his nose as he paces across the kitchen floor. _One, two, three, and then he turns around again. Repeats the process._

"I don't ask that much of you. I really don't--"

He's cut off by the sound of obnoxious laughter that has Jensen glaring in Jared's direction.

"You don't ask that much? Christ, Jensen, I'm walking on eggshells here, doing every little thing you fucking _ask_ and you have the nerve to say you never ask for anything?!''

He hates that sound, Jared's yelling, especially when directed at him. Jensen isn't trying to be unreasonable. Things are just how they are, how they _have_ to be, and Jared never realizes it.

"I don't mean to.'' Jensen says, quiet and timid, the fight from Jared leaving the cereal box open and on the counter fading. "It's not exactly easier for me, you know?''

"What isn't?" Jared's voice still holds an irritated edge, but the volume has gone down significantly. 

"This.'' Jensen gestures around the room, to the dogs, the cereal box, to Jared. "All of this. This mess. These dogs. You.''

Jared's face falls completely as Jensen's last word, and Jensen's not sure he's ever seen him look so upset before. Jared's eyes are thick and glassy, his lip worried between his slightly crooked teeth.

Jared is supposed to have the answers. He's supposed to get Jensen through this because Jensen? He's flying blind. He doesn't have any experience, doesn't know what he needs to do to make Jared happy, but whatever it is, Jensen's obviously not doing it right. 

"Would...'' Jared starts, but his mouth opens and closes a few times like he's trying to find the right words before he settles on shaking his head. "Forget it.'' Jared turns then, walking swiftly to their bedroom.

He hears the sounds of Jared gather some things, hears the rattle and metallic clang of leashes before Jared comes back.

Six minutes and fifty-nine seconds later-an excruciating amount of time later-Jared returns with a bag slung over one shoulder and his dog's leashes, dogs attached, in one hand. "I'm gonna go.''

Jensen sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes growing impossibly large, and and he can't find any words to say. 

"For tonight.'' Jared adds, like that would make a difference. He's still going, still leaving Jensen alone-even for just a little while-so it changes nothing.

Jensen only nods, hands in tight fists at his side as he barely glances in Jared's direction.

"Oh-okay then.'' Jared leaves just like that. Four syllables as a goodbye and he's gone.


	18. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared comes back.

Jared didn't lie. He comes back just like he said he would, the next day, and Jensen's hunkered down in his room, nearly determined to never leave it again.  
  
When Jensen sees Jared, part of him doesn't believe he's real, but he's tired of living in some fantasy. Reality seems to be much worse most of the time.  
  
"I don't know how to apologize.'' It's the best Jensen has.  
  
Jared just nods and walks closer, but he's slow, like he's not sure if he's welcome. It's kind of ridiculous.  
  
"I missed you last night.''  
  
Another nod is all Jensen gets before Jared's kneeling in front of him, putting his hands on Jensen's knees. He doesn't flinch.  
  
''What you said...You're hard to deal with, Jensen. You...fuck, you drive me crazy. Half the time, I feel like I'm just trying to keep up, and it...It's hard.''  
  
Jensen nods, blinks away a few tears that are threatening to fall. "I don't mean to be this way.'' Jensen's voice cracks, and he looks down before Jared's swooping in, cupping Jensen's face.  
  
"Jen, baby, I know you don't, okay? I know you're trying, but you have to try harder. We both do. I-I can be neater. I can...The dogs will stay outside more, but I can't...I'm not like you. I've never...You mean a lot to me, and if you want this to work as much as I do, then you know we both have to work at it.''  
  
Jensen does know this. He wants it, more than anything, but he hasn't even been in this position. He figures it out then, sort of. "I keep using my lack of experience as an excuse.'' Jensen's hands find Jared's wrists, and he squeezes gently. "It's not. I don't know any better, but...neither do you. We've both never done this.'' It feels like he's repeating what Jared's said, but it's important to get this out. "I don't want us to crash and burn. I'm scared...that scares me more than most things...'' He and Jared share a small laugh at that. So many things scare Jensen. "I'm fucking terrified of losing you. I think that's part of it. If I can make you see how bad I get, how I really am, then maybe you'll just go on your own before you fall too hard.''  
  
Jared makes a choked sort of noise, and he leans in close, speaks against Jensen's lips. "It's entirely too late for that.''  
  
And, really, whatever else they have to say can wait until Jensen's done relearning every curve of Jared's mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wow, it's been a really long time since I've updated this thing. I'd like to say that's because I've been working on something spectacular, but that's a lie, so I won't. Mostly, I've been RPing, and moving (twice, and I'm about to pull a hat trick) and working. And then I write this, and it's probably not good and it's so short, but I missed this fic, and I'm going to get back into it. If y'all bare with me, that is.


	19. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen thought that things would instantly go back to normal. As it turns out, Jared's motives might not have been as innocent as he thought.

It's not an easy fix, but Jensen didn't expect it to be. This thing with Jared, like most things in Jensen's life, is nothing short of complicated. It takes work to be in a relationship, even more if you're living with that person, at least that's what Jared tells him.

Three days after that blowout, Jensen can't say that he's any better, or that Jared is for that matter, but things _feel_ better, and that's a start.

Jensen's working in his home office, which is actually kind of a mess. It's that sort of organized chaos that only the person who put it that way can understand. Or, at least, that's what Jensen thought.

He's currently rifling through one of the drawers when Jared pops his head in, gets a glare because he knows this is the one room Jensen told him is off limits. It's not that he doesn't think they should share their space, their lives, but Jensen needs once ounce of normal to stay even relatively sane.

"What do you want, Jared?" It's more growled than spoken, but Jensen doesn't miss Jared's smile as he comes in, shutting the door behind him so the dogs won't come inside. Thankfully, Jared has some sense.

"Nothing, actually.''

Jensen raises a brow, and Jared laughs and creeps the rest of the way inside. He bends low when he gets behind Jensen and puts his hands on his arms, nuzzles his throat. And, while Jensen can admit that it feels nice, he's at work.

"Do I come to your office and harass you?"

"I don't work in an office.'' Jared thinks he's funny, he's not, but Jensen tips his head to the side just the same.

He groans as Jared's lips trail down his throat, toes curling in his angora socks. "I'm working.''

Jared keeps kissing him while Jensen keeps insisting that he has work to do. It's useless, really. Jensen knows where this is going. Or, at least he thought he did.

"Wanna fuck you.'' Jared breathes into his ear, teeth almost gnawing on his lobe, and Jensen taken aback.

It's not that he hasn't thought about it. He has. In fact, he's even asked for it before, but they haven't taken that step. Sure, they've traded blow jobs, and there's a lot of handjobs, and rubbing, but they haven't gone that far. It's odd considering they share a bed; they live together.

He should say no, that it's too soon. Fuck, that he's working and maybe later they could try, but none of that is coming out of his mouth. "Yes.'' Jensen groans, and he spins around in his chair, nearly knocking to the floor with how eager he is.

Jared, for his part, looks absolutely shocked. His eyes are wide as saucers, hands already shaking, and Jensen wouldn't laugh if he wasn't so nervous. "Want...want you to be my first.'' He tries, nodding and swallowing. "I-I know that I'm not...I've never, so there's not a lot of experience, but...but I want you...'' He trails off, embarrassment coloring his cheeks a vibrant red, and he tips his head

He's answered with Jared's mouth just centimeters from his own. "You have no idea how hot that is, do you?" He asks, voice whiskey smooth. His hands come up to frame Jensen's face, and he closes his eyes, sinking into the feeling

"God...'' Jared swoops in and kisses him, and Jensen can feel it all the way to his toes.

He stands up, not letting Jared's mouth move away because this one kiss, the one that's only been going on for thirty-two seconds, is by far the most perfect they've ever shared, odd numbered or not.

"Will you?" Jensen's flushed for an entirely different reason when he pulls away, and Jared groans, cupping Jensen's face.

"You have no idea how badly I want to...''

There's always a catch, Jensen knows this. He wants to, right. Sure.

"But...not yet, okay? It...it's too soon.''

Jensen does laugh this time, and when he looks at Jared's face this time he sees confusion, and maybe a little hurt. "We're living together, Jared.'' He says defensively. "It's not too soon for that, but sex is out of the question?"

Jared sighs and drops his hands, takes a few steps back, muttering words Jensen can't understand. "It's not that.'' He says, finally, plainly. "It's just...you've never. You said it yourself, and I have, okay? A lot. I know what sex can do to a relationship, how everything eventually turns all about sex and fucking, and I don't want that with you.''

To Jensen, that doesn't even really make sense, considering Jared's the one who brought it up in the first place. "You know it wouldn't be, Jay. You _know_."

It's absolutely absurd to even consider, really. Jensen has entirely too many other things to be focused on then sex. He's certain he'll like it, knows he will because it's Jared, and that means a whole lot.

"I don't get it.'' He's a little saddened at this point, and he's not even remotely aroused. "You suggest it, and then you shut me down. I know we haven't been together for...But...you said you loved me...'' He shakes his head, looking down, and he's counting his heart beats. It's not something he does very often, unless he's exercising, but his heart is hammering in his chest and it's a good way to distract himself from the moment.

"Jen...hey. Hey, I do. I love you.'' Jared sounds like he's pleading, but he hasn't touched Jensen, hasn't come closer. He's finding it really easy to doubt him in this moment, and he's not even sure how this all happened.

He's a little dejected, but he's also resigned. It's not entirely unexpected. Everything was very sudden. Jared's brother died. He asked Jensen to move in. Something clicks then, and Jensen's suddenly hit with an overwhelming feeling of betrayal.

"Why'd you ask me to move in with you?"

When Jensen meets Jared's gaze, there's a new emotion there, something he's not used to seeing marring Jared's face. Guilt. "You could have just put out an ad for a roommate. Then we wouldn't have to do this at all.''

More hurt flashes across Jared's face, but he opens his mouth several times, ends up with nothing.

"Did he live with you? He did, didn't he?"

Finally, Jared speaks, and it's not exactly what Jensen wants to here. "Jensen, wait. Listen to me. Okay, yeah. He did. He...But it's not...''

"You needed someone to cover his half the rent. It...I gotta hand it to you. I really, really fell for it, y'know?''

"Stop, Jensen. You _know_ it isn't like that. I love you. Please. You have to...Just talk to me.'' He sounds so desperate, so sad that Jensen almost caves. _Almost._

"I'm working.'' Jensen turns away from Jared and sits back at his computer, closing his eyes until he hears Jared's feet walk across the floor an the door open and close at his departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?! Two chapters in two days? After a year and some change of not updating? Don't hate me, guys. All isn't as it seems, and I know I keep sending the boys over the edge, but it's going to get better. Probably.


	20. Nearly Fatal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's not moping. He's not moping so much that he runs out in front of traffic. Okay, it's more of a saunter, but still, you get his point.

Drowning himself in work seems to keep most of his feelings at bay. It's easier, an old go-to when his anxiety got the better of him.

It's been two days since he's seen Jared, and isn't that just great? There was a small part of Jensen that was clinging onto some hope that maybe, just possibly, their relationship meant more to Jared.

At the end of it-and that's what it was, really, an end-Jared had pleaded with Jensen that there was more to the story, and Jensen figured that Jared would come back one Jensen had a chance to cool down. Two days later, that isn't the case.

It's for the best, really. Relationships are messy, complicated things that throw Jensen out of his element. He doesn't need them. He's learned from his mistake, and it's not one he'll be making again. He just wishes he didn't have to think about Jared so much.

Jensen continues to do his rituals, adding more to his normal routine when his anxiety peaks. He's out right now, mentally calculating how long it will take for his coffee to be finished. It shouldn't be that long. He doesn't have a very fancy order, just black coffee with a hint of cream. They'll mess it up. It won't taste right, but he's in a hurry, and he didn't make the extra time this morning.

A minute and a half later, entirely too long in Jensen's opinion, he has a cup of lukewarm, bitter coffee in his hand, and he's out the door. He's walking today, figuring a bit of exercise will calm his nerves, and he's absolutely not thinking about Jared, not even a little bit. In fact, he's not thinking about Jared so much, that he doesn't even think as he attempts to cross the street.

There's a loud skitter of breaks on pavement, and Jensen looks to his left and panics. He's going to die, and if his calculations are correct, it'll be in the next five seconds. He's frozen, too stunned to move, couldn't even if he wanted to because the pavement is cracked and apparently his survival instincts aren't strong enough to stop him from counting the number of them. He's only at two when he feels a large hand grab his arm and yank him back roughly, throwing his coffee into the air.

The car stops two feet past the spot Jensen was previously standing, and he gulps in air because that would have been him. He almost died. His blood is rushing through his veins, heart hammering in his chest, too many beats per minutes to even try and count, and his savior was Jared. He just knows it. It has to be.

"Woah, now. Calm down.'' A deep but calm and gentle voice pulls Jensen from his thoughts, and that hand loosens its vice grip on Jensen's bicep. "You're alright now."

And that's the strangest thing. Jensen actually _feels_ alright. He looks up at the man's face, doesn't have to do that very often, but he's only an inch taller, maybe a couple of centimeters more than that. He's handsome, perhaps classically so in the way that Jensen is as well. He's sporting a chiseled jaw that's just barely dusted with a brownish-red stubble. His skin is fair, not decorated with absurd freckles like himself, and his nose is symmetrical. Green eyes meet his, and Jensen barely registers that the man has dark hair. He gets a little lost.

He's never thought of green and ice together before. Icy blue usually just comes to mind, but when he looks at this stranger-and he hasn't looked away-that's what he's seeing. A very cool, almost muted green that's perhaps more startling then when he looks in the mirror and sees his own stark-green eyes.

"Are you alright?" Jensen hears, and there's more concern in the man's tone now, though it's still so calm and friendly. Inviting. He looks down and notices his arm is still in a stranger's hand. And the funniest thing is that Jensen doesn't mind at all.

"I am. Sorry. I was a little shocked, I guess.'' He doesn't stammer or stutter out any words, says them with confidence because contrary to what some would believe, Jensen is a functioning adult. "Thank you...''

"Tahmoh.'' The man, Tahmoh, replies, and Jensen's never heard or even read that name before.

"Tahmoh.'' Jensen repeats, and he suddenly takes back his thought about being a functioning adult after parroting him.

Tahmoh doesn't seem to mind Jensen's momentary lapse in higher functions, just chuckles softly, nodding his head. "My mother was an Aborigine...in Canada.'' He adds the last bit on, and for some reason, Jensen finds himself grinning. "I'd like to tell you more about it, if you're interested. Maybe over...'' Tahmoh looks to the street, eyes the cup, and he smiles back at Jensen. "...coffee?"

It's a guess but a good one, and Jensen finds himself nodding. "Jensen.'' He adds in afterthought.

"Well, Jensen, what do you say?"

Normally, Jensen would say that this is not his life. That he doesn't do this sort of thing. A week ago, he would have said he couldn't. That he has a boyfriend, and he wouldn't do that to Jared. Jared's not here, and these aren't normal circumstances. Besides, he owes the man his life, Jensen figures. Coffee seems like a small price to pay for the air in his lungs.

"I'd love to.'' Jensen grins when Tahmoh squeezes Jensen's arm gently before letting him go, and instantly, Jensen misses that warmth. Maybe didn't Jensen learn a damn thing from Jared, but he's willing to find out why another person touching him makes him feel so good inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I added a new character? I don't know. Jensen's not ready to deal with Jared again yet, and Jared doesn't appear to be ready either. So, this thing kind of happened. If you're digging it, let me know. If you're not...Well, I still wanna see how this plays out.

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd. Comments, I think they're awesome.


End file.
